Run Your Own Race

I hate writing 'About' page for blogs. I always either overthink them or pound them out so fast I end up under-thinking them. How much do I share? Am I sharing too much? Too little? Do I sound arrogant? Am I striking the right tone? I write and rewrite and re-re-re-write, and then I put up the version I hate the least. I guess that means the first thing I'm telling you is that I'm crap about writing about myself, which is particularly hilarious considering this is a blog about writing about myself.

Who I am exactly doesn't matter. People who try hard enough can figure it out. Some of my friends know I use this alias. That's only around half a dozen people. Other than that, though, Lotte Peisch is actually just a pen name I use because I don't really feel like being me on the internet any longer. That's the second thing I'll share about myself. The name is an anagram of another name that encapsulates a lot of how I feel about the world and my current place in it. I'm not going to explain it though because what's the fun in that? The most important thing to know is that to my knowledge no one by this name actually exists.

I took the name to work through this contradictory need I seem to have to want to step away from the modern world of social media, algorithm-induced mania and news-as-entertainment, but to also talk about that journey. Because two years after deleting my last social media account, I feel like a different person, and because every day I'm finding out how in new ways. To that end, it'll likely be a lot of screaming into the void because I will likely never return to social media, and that appears to be the only reason the internet exists anymore – to support a handful of billionaires.

I really think other people could benefit from doing the same thing, but I'm also no longer at a place anymore in my life where I feel like I want to go to battle over this opinion. So instead, I'm going to leave these little missives here, in a mostly anonymous way, on a sparse blog with no advertisements or social feeds or links literally anywhere... and if people happen to stumble on them and find them useful, then that's great.

But if no one does, that's okay, too... every therapist I've ever had has told me I should journal some more. Also, writing has always scratched an itch for me. I've been writing out my thoughts and feelings for a very long time, which is why this whole weird contradictory need exists in the first place. If scratching that itch benefits someone else out there, great. If not, it benefits me.

I'm going to do my best to write when I'm feeling kind and compassionate so I don't come from a place of bitterness and anger. This is, honestly, because I feel bitter and angry a lot, so I'm hoping this will give me the chance to mindfully come back to somewhere healthier. I can't promise I'll always be successful.

Otherwise, welcome to Run Your Own Race.